I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
