It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
