wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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