I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
