i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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