then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
