we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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