Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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