TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
