finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
