Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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