he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
