So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
