Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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