What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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