Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
