You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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