shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
