It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
