I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
