It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
