I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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