I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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