your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
