You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
