Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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