I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
