its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
