I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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