You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
