my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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