I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
