It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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