i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
