She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
