god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
