from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
