It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
