Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
