she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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