so explain again why im purple
no
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
