You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
