the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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