Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
