Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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