he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
