wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
