Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have fence marks all over my body
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
