...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
