Where are you?
In a non slutty way
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
we're so committed to being not committed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize