Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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